i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
