There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
