my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
