Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
