I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
