While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize