covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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