Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
