evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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