Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
