omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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