dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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