YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
