Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
