Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize