I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
