Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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