dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
