brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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