You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
