When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Girls should come with a carfax report
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
