don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
