I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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