i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
