No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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