M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize