I wish my penis had an off switch
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
