So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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