i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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