I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
