I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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