I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
