kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize