ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
