Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
