True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize