Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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