Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
