oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
