we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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