You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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