Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
