We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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