I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
