Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
