A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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