Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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