i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
