I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Randomize
