and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Drake has all the answers
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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