i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
