I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize