I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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