dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
