Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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