names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
