dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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