I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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