dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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