he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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