I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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