Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
