do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize