i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
