I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
