that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
