Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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