i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
