Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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