As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
