My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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