i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
