How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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