Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
