im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
