i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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