Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize