You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
