I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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