You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
