Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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