how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
