so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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