just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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