Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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