i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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