That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
