He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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