So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize