I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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