just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
