That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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