party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
