I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
