This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize