onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
