You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
