What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
