I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
