trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
