do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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