I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i love accidental penises.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize