she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
