Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
