Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
