I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
