i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize