I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize