what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
