Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
